On a certain hard shoulder in a beautifully landscaped Lahore suburb, as I stood next to my overheated car staring cluelessly under the hood, I wasn't thinking about the radiator or how I was going to get home. My mind was still processing the overpowering experience I had had a couple of hours earlier.


AIESEC Lahore had put together a learning event: a few hours at the SOS Children's Village. Those few hours of playing with kids who had not been as lucky as to experience the protection of a normal household was extremely humbling for everyone who was able to make it. I was surprised beyond anything else to have been the person that I was all day. Not being particularly fond of children, this peculiar environment had me react in a cautious, yet comfortable manner. At the end, while everyone sat in the van and cheered in the euphoria that described their feelings for the day, it was too unsettling for me. At the debrief after, everyone got a chance to share their experience.

Now standing next to the steaming hot machine, I began to wonder about the day. So a number of young people had been engaged in a rare display of selflessness. But really.. is our involvement in such things actually selfless? Listening to myself and my friends after the session, the words "I feel lucky..", "We make such a difference..", "Those children gave us so much to think about..", "We should do this again..", as so on, it still feels like there is too much 'I', 'We' and 'Us' in there. I can't help but wonder if every such act, at some fundamental level, is yet another opportunity for us to be 'satisfied' with ourselves. While we're not busy thinking about our careers, our studies, our finances, we're still trying to find happiness and learning for our own selves.

It might be unfair and reductionism to boil down charity to a selfish motive.. but makes one question the virtue of so many things..

Glad I have a blog to think that aloud.